5th Chapter
you did not know exactly why, but the urge was there again. It had now passed since the last time just over two weeks. It was again time. This time she wanted to try something new. First, she prepared everything as before, as always. Tempo put handkerchiefs, scissors and stone side by side on the desk. Then she took out the razor blade. What was different this time was that it is now the freezer went out and took a cold pack. With the battery in the hand she went back to her room and sat down at the desk. Now, could begin. They rolled up the right trouser leg until the thigh was free and put the cold pack to a position of the leg, just above the knee. Where already very faded scars were visible. With the battery on the leg they then waited a few minutes. She wanted to numb the body to which they would cut into it immediately. November injured himself, but the pain that it was inevitably, they did not like. He was single axle only annoying and uncomfortable.
When she no longer felt the cold of the batteries, they took it away and Blade in his hand. November began. First cut. As always, rather superficially, but the blood poured out in thick drops. A few cuts later, blood still oozed out and she watched spellbound as the drops of the cuts, and finally joined in one big drops running down the leg side.
perfect.
you did not cut deep because of the pain, despite the icy numbness was otherwise too unpleasant, but it was enough to see their blood running down red lines in the leg. Just what she wanted.
Some further cuts later she cut handle the patch to the wounds on the leg to provide satisfaction. You was now tired, rolled up the leg back down and lay down to sleep in bed.
When she awoke the next morning because a voice in her dream told her to let down the blinds on the roof window because the sun was so unbearable, had to find November that the cut was purely put anything. In their rampage, the same feelings and thoughts. She did not even know if and how they would survive the time until the psychiatrist appointment. The longing for death had now become very prominent. Every day she wafted into the dark depths of her head and spat on and images from her mind's eye. Images, which showed how they jumped from one of many highway bridges in the area. Which showed her as she lay somewhere to cut wrists and died. Or, as she took a huge overdose of pills and slowly died down. In some minutes she could think of nothing else. Her life was at times from dying. And it robbed her of so much of the power that they indeed had not even really.
But she had to admit that the thought of suicide and the thought to try it once was actually more attractive. Yes, she almost longed for it, it easy to do at last. She did not yet. She fought yet but do so. November knew only too well that they would survive a trial. She had not the courage to really die. So agonizing thoughts and longing were. It still lacked the courage. Or madness. Maybe both. And so they struggled on through every day.
silent for the moment the thought of their own end. Or were at least somewhat quieter. This time they wanted to use to take a shower and then finally her room, which was adjusted slowly growing chaos in her head, clean up. And clean up at least one duty, the bathroom last it was to fulfill today.
Before they could begin, she had to lie down just because her blood pressure again fell into bottomless depths. That might not be healthy, so she decided to go to the doctor next week.
It took hours to clean up her room after she had cleaned the bathroom and had washed laundry. They never thought that these simple tasks would rob her of the household so hard the force. Cleaning up, she was not ready until after midnight. And that's only half-way.
November finally decided that she could continue the next day and it was time for bed now.
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