18th Birthday Gay Bathhouse

4th Chapter

It was just horrible. November had managed to beat out of bed to wash the hair and go to town. She had even managed to get an appointment with the psychiatrist. Although this would be due to the delays in early October. She had done all that, but was still unable to attend classes at the university. She could not. She had absolutely no concentration to less had the nerve for it and now important things anyway, they actually dei in the classroom would need to forget home.
She was today once thought to be lost again. On the bus, it was sometimes so bad that they could hold no longer think clearly. In November's head just was just a dark swirling mass of feelings and thoughts. It was not just their Lord.
course knew and felt that they immerf themselves and their lives fell apart on, but they could not help himself. She had fainted watch as she became more and more fell into a world of pain, depression and pain, and absorbed by black fog.

Novemebre talked a still that she also went well today. Good in the sense that the despair they are not quite as brutal as in her clasping worst phases. A little bit of control they had, so she was well. At least they guakelte the prior successful. The truth was completely different. They knew, but it replaced most of the time. Finally they had to work. But If they could, they would sit at this moment in teaching at the University of ...

Nothing worked. She was a wreck with a seemingly-perfect facade to the outside. Even if they thought of today have to work, she got a sense of fear. This sentiment was still weak but luckily enough, so they suppress it could.

The heat seemed to get worse with each passing day. And with the temperature increased, the fatigue, which flourished in November. Every day she felt closer to the collapse. They wanted even to finally collapse easily. She felt as if she could alone the fact that she lived no longer endure. But she got up every morning and staggered through the day, so she bore it anyway in one way or another. This dichotomy of the simultaneous yield and collapse inwardly she was still mad. She hated her mask, which she presented daily to the outside. But it was a necessary evil, because they wanted to pelt also be none.

presented with slight horror, she always laid again, leading a double life for them. For their friends and family, she was a normal, upbeat young woman who sometimes adopted a pitch-black, cynical humor to the day. Only her best friend knew what secret was November before all. Only they knew that this humor so black it was broken by the desperate side of November came. By the psychiatrist appointments only they knew something.
November wondered how long these two lives could well exist side by side. She lived
in constant fear that someone might find out, especially from her family about her dark life. she could not reveal Himself however. Before that, they fear many more. November had already seen their family almost fell apart because she was suffering from depression. Her parents came up with something nciht clear. She was a few years ago had been to therapy for depression and therefore knew that their parents would probably collapse completely if they knew how the other lives of her daughter looked like. This November would avoid at all costs. Especially their own sake. Because their parents were not to the people who showed their concerns in a loving, understanding and caring way. No, everything was unloaded in verbal and also some latent aggression. And this was also what she had done only to what it was.

She stopped her thoughts quickly as best they could to not fall even lower. But actually it was already too late.
When she awoke the next morning, she was at least as on the ground and already at work the day before. Even while working her mood was tipped into a depressive-paranoid mood. She was convinced that the guests would over they slander, they smile. The thought was so unbearable that she was glad to finally be allowed home.

And now she was sitting at home in her room, feeling no better than the day before. It was the weekend, the sun shone, it was warm, but it was blowing a cool wind, so it was not unbearably hot and the white curtains of her large window swayed in time with the sounds of Japanese wind chimes, which is a slightly reassuring, but also had melancholic effect. The laptop was running and she was surfing the Internet, was logged into a chat, but even this could not prevent her thoughts began to revolve again. Mostly, it was not even thought that was really articulate. There were more emotions, which they could not assign descriptive words.