second Chapter
The first thing the next morning they took to himself, was a headache tablet. This time she had been awakened in her own bed by mobile phone and stereo. Her room was relatively cool, but it was still relatively early in the day auchh.
something sullen and dull Pain in the head she peeled veschlafen out of bed after half an hour had acted as they would sleep. She washed down the said tablet with a glass of water before she placed herself under a soothing shower.
Lost in thought, she completed automates all you in the morning just as done. It was only when she got off the bus later, she noticed that it worked just automated. A woman with a walker asked November, help her get off with a friendly smile and November, said:
"Yes, of course,"
The voice that spoke from her lips seemed not to be their own half and they woke up, awakened by her own voice. She was well again drifted somewhat. Not to themselves they did not, however. For weeks now they have suffered from vertigo and a feeling like cotton wool in the head. Today was probably through the summer heat, particularly nasty and she felt as if she were walking on soft clouds. And now and then but the world was spinning too much. November
put their music to the ears and went into the city. The first thing she did what she had done the day before: She bought a book with blank pages. She then went on his way to a psychiatrist.
November, for years, Since her youth (which the teenage years is meant, for she was as old age of 24 still do not) to fight with itself. In her rage, sometimes more, sometimes less, a seemingly endless sadness and too often Sehsucht after death. She had been a few years ago to undergo a therapy of which had also been quite helpful, but in the last weeks, months and even years, actually was the despair again grown into a now unbearable degree.
For months she raged in her worse than ever. She was brimming with fear, dark Gedankenwust and self-hatred, so full to the brim, that it threatened to burst at many day. To make this dark despair some air and give yourself at least for a short time en little bit easier, they even attacked some evenings to the blade to see their own blood flow. In recent weeks, more often than in the past half year.
Today she felt relatively well. The world was not quite so dark and the black veil in her head, something had lifted. But still she was determined to turn to a psychiatrist. They just had a good phase, probably favored by the talks with a life coach, they had taken in recent weeks in a kind of crisis intervention from a deep crisis. November but knew from experience that the next crisis would come. And this would certainly be at least as severe as the past.
While she was on her way to the psychiatrist, was loud in the back of her head, a voice they knew from their past good phases only too well. The voice that tried to convince her that she was not sick. That they do not need help. That their lives fully under control. Yet this voice was trying to deny and hide all the problems. To vedrängen. And thus postpone the problems.
But November was determined this time to listen to their reason. It could go on like this not easy. She was at that moment was good that day, not deny it. But she could not deny that she was afraid of the next crisis. The next crisis would be worse, they might tear down than all the past and already she was very afraid to plunge into the abyss without foundation and no longer can get up to. It had to happen. The first steps in their search for help, they had already done. She could not just give up now. An appointment with a psychiatrist was a good next step. From previous attempts to get a quick appointment, knew November that they probably would get one in September. This was in order. Now it was fine. Until then, there were still two months. And by then it was definitely back in a severely depressed, suicidal phase and would now be more credible than their good phase.
put it arrives at the practice, they found that it was a waste running through the summer heat. The talk time was already over. So they decided the next day to arrange an appointment.
After trying with cotton-head in a café with espresso had to drive their blood pressure at healthier levels, she went to the University, there to sprinkle in the only seminar that she had now to leave. concentration could drift for months was a foreign concept for her brain, but in this seminar was God calls you just listen, so they go unnoticed in all the time in other worlds.
And although at the university contributed absolutely nothing, she felt incredibly tired and exhausted when they finally got home at night. Alone in the walk around the city, take city bus to college, just being physically present needed every day, their energy reserves completely. They simply had no strength left. And she wondered again, where had she hergenommen earlier this power.
you found no answer to it.
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